A simple mistake: Thinking conflict will make things better.
A worse mistake: Thinking things are better just because there is less direct conflict.
Evil– real evil– thrives unnoticed in the cracks between such distinctions.
Unhealthy relationships we convince ourselves to accept. Unfair roles we play and force upon others, just because we’ve grown accustomed to broken ways of being. Past and present traumas we hide and ignore. Abusive parents we allow to hurt and silence their children, so we can tell ourselves the system works. Good people are safe, and bad people get what they deserve.
There is so much we are afraid to face. And so we accept situations that are not okay in order to convince ourselves that everything is better. We go to great lengths explaining away terrible hurtful things, just for a little scrap of “okay.” We even commit to superficial “conflicts” so we can say we fixed things… or at least say we tried. We are unbelievable mental contortionists.
Whenever people struggle, someone else invariably ends up taking control. Police step in to control the homeless. Doctors step in to guide the mentally ill. Parents, social workers, CPS, police, doctors, and just about everybody takes a share in controlling the poor abused children. For ourselves we insert jobs, degrees, medications, relationships, public identities, secret fantasies, imagined realities, and all manner of personal justifiers to keep things under control.
In each case, I find it important to think— is this actually better? At what cost? Does it create a facade of “betterness” by quashing necessary conflict and invalidating people’s real issues? What is the true reality under all the stories and assumptions?
This mistake can happen anywhere in your world. A president can do it. Your boss can do it. Child Protective Services can do it. Your parents can do it.
And you can do it too, in your own actions and relationships.
In the world at large, and in our minds and personal lives, I think this is true: sometimes, in the face of real-life “evil,” conflict is a vital necessity. It’s the only real way to start standing up.